Thursday, March 31, 2005

Acceptance

Yes I have been accepted to grad school. I guess all my missing classes, partying and working in undergrad didn't matter as much as I thought. Whoo Hoo! Now I get to go through the fabulous process of financial aid.

Friday, March 25, 2005

February

We are stuck in February. Our calendars are still on February and our weather is still like February. Not the exciting right before Valentine's Day February but the icky day after Valentine's Day February. Also I have always thought February was the hardest month to spell when I was a kid. Yuck. I hate February.

Thankful

OK I have a thankful. My cousin had a baby with his girkfriend three months before I had Ava. They were engaged and lived in their own home and went on vacations. I was a bit jealous. However, they are now separating and in a horrifyingly digusting custody battle. Basically they are using the baby as pawn in their bitterness towards each other. I am thankful that my unwedded baby having self is not dealing with that problem. Although I guess it does not matter if you are wed or not. I dread ever having to deal with such things and if I do I pray that I will handle well and not be an asshole.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Does Anybody Even Still Read This?

I am such a poor blogger. At this point I am sure no one is reading but what the hell? I started a job and quit after three days. Part of my job was educating parents how to clean and in one case it invovled cleaning up dogshit in a house full of trash and lice. I just couldn't do it. It sucks because of we need the money but I actually liked the people I met. I liked getting out of the house and talking to someone in person besides Steven and Ava. I just recently realized how lonely I am. I must give props to my friends Adam and Les for moving a 1000 miles away where they knew no one. I have applied to three more jobs. We'll see how it goes. It is difficult because we are currently sharing one car so my job needs to be in town, along the same time schedule as Steven's, pay enough to cover daycare and have enough left over to be worth it. It makes me tense.
We visited my parents for an extended weekend. It was nice eventhough we were all sick. I really like hanging out with my parents. I just love playing Pinnochle all night. We looked at several different reception locations and after we calculated we discovered we can't really afford any of them. It is a bit depressing. We knew it would be tough. It just seems that everything is a struggle lately. Trying to stay and feel healthy, getting our heads above water financially and just feeling like we are working towards some sort of a future. The late twenties suck a bit for me. I am sure there are plently of you out there who think they are great but I struggle. I almost feel like a am just devastated to find out that this is life. Like I can't even remember the person I was five years ago. I know we change and evolve, and that is good. But I am tired, I miss the fun, that carefree feeling, the eternal optimism and the excitement for a new day. Maybe it is just a faze, I would hate to be jaded at 27.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Kisses, Kisses, Kisses

So today Ava started giving kisses for the first time. I haven't even been trying to teach her this, it just came out of nowhere. And it is so freaking cute.

Edit

So by feet, I mean feat, I think.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Higher Education

I will proudly state that I have officially applied to grad school. Whether I get in or not, doing the application was a feet in itself. Also I took the MATS and did very well. Thank you very much.

Emotional

OK I will be truthful. I have been crying like some kind of fool for the last week. I am terrified of daycare. I know I am being irrational but I keep having these horrible dreams that they are mean to her. I haven't slept properly all weekend. Actually I think it comes down to the fact that I will miss her. With the new schedule we will get home around 4:30/5 and she will have to be in bed by 7:30/8, that gives me about 3 hours a day with her and that is if I don't work in the evening. Is this what this country has come to? Most families need two incomes to stay above water and establish some security. We give our kids to strangers and hope for the best. OK I am actually bawling right now so I will go. But I would like to personally thank dirty Bush and Congress for shooting down a minimum wage raise. It has been nine years for Christ's sake.

Employment

So I finally have a job and I am not too thrilled about it. It is not quite what I want to do but it will expand my horizons. I will be a parent/homemaker educator. Basically I will go into homes assess, teach and monitor changes that need to made in the home. This could be parenting skills, cleanliness, etc. I will also teach seminars on anger management and the like. Most of the families referred to us are court ordered to our services by Children and Youth Services...meaning many will be resentful that we are invading their home. Also I will have to testify in court often which is never my favorite thing. My biggest issues really are that Ava will have to go to daycare and that the hours include some evening time which I was trying to avoid. I have been a bit misty about my baby being with strangers all day long. Sigh.

Cocaine and Advil

This is just ridiculous. I know someone who refuses to take Advil or Tylenol because "they are not good for you". However, this person used to smoke pot on a regular basis and had a small stint with cocaine. This person says that cocaine is safer than Advil because besides its addictive nature cocaine is healthier for the body than Advil. What? Could this possibly be true? Anyhow this person finally took an Advil for a toothache and was extremely suprised at how well it worked.

Mother in Law

Icky. My future mother in law visited this weekend. It was icky. I always thought I would be friends with my mother in law. Now I realize this was only a pipe dream. We are uncomfortably friendly with each other and force ourselves to speak to each other. And Steven is not much help because he hardly speaks to her either. In fact they speak to each other more when I leave the room. She is a nice woman and I believe she means well most of the time but there is this weird underlying control thing going on. Plus she is a bit too demanding when it comes to Ava and that hits a nerve. I was hoping this could all be remedied over time but after two years little has changed. Using guilt as a tactic to get your way discredits a person in my book. So how do I improve this situation?

Friday, March 04, 2005

Speedy

Today we got a cable modem. It is so fabulously fast. I don't know what we we thinking keeping dial up all these years.